He let me go
by SlowlyXGoingXDown
Summary: I didn't choose to end this. You did. I want you to remember that. You were the one who let me go.A story of lily and her loves.


I love James more than anything else on this earth. He is my life. The love we share is one of those once in a lifetime loves that everyone wishes they could have but few ever do. I'm lucky to have him. He always tells me that he is the luckiest man in the world to just be my boyfriend. When really I'm the lucky one. He would do anything for me. Every time he looks at me I can see the love in his eyes that is for me. That's why I feel so guilty about this whole thing. I almost threw everything I have with James away. Though sometimes I wonder if it might have been worth it.

I'm up in my dorm lying on my bed just thinking about everything seventh year has brought to me. I have to go downstairs in about an hour or so for my last Hogwarts meal ever. Right now though I just want to lay and think.

Before this year I never thought it was possible for me to love James Potter. Everyone knew that he was in love with me but I never thought I could actually return the same feeling to him. We became friends sometime in sixth year and I swore that that was as far as we were going to go. Life has a funny way of changing everything you thought you knew.

My best friends even always thought that the reason I would never give James a chance was because he annoyed me so. As true as that was at times, the main reason was because I loved someone else.

Sirius Black.

He loved me too once. Or so I thought. Now I'm not sure. Sometimes we still share those small glances and little smiles like we used to, and other times he ignores me or just treats me like I am just another girl James has managed to get. I hate when he does that the most. Sometimes I think that I'm still in love with him. Then he treats me like I'm a nobody. If it is possible to love two people at once then that's what I am doing. 

We 'broke up' the first week back this year. We had been going out behind everyone's back since the end of fifth year. I thought that I had found the one I loved in him. I thought that he was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Sure our relationship had many ups and downs it in. He had more mood swings than I did most times. He was still my prince. My black prince. Almost every night we would sneak off and just sit with each other. Sometimes we would talk, sometimes we wouldn't. It was just what we did.

That one night though. The night that ruined our relationship will stay with me forever.

He was in our spot by the lake before me like he usually was. That night I could tell something was wrong. When I walked up to him, he grabbed me and kissed me like he never had before. Then he held me in his arms while I cried. I knew what he was going to say even before he said it. I could always read him like that. I felt some of his tears fall on my head. I knew this was hurting him just as much as it was me.

"Why?" I tried to make my voice strong, but it came out small and wounded.

Sirius pulled me closer to his chest and whispered in my hair. "He loves you too."

That's when I lost all self-control. I started beating him on the chest with my fists, crying harder than before.

"I love you! Not him! I love you!" I screamed at him.

He grabbed my fists and kissed me on my forehead. "You will learn to love him, if you gave him a chance. James is my best friend, and he loves you more than life itself."

"Are you telling me you don't love me?" I sobbed into him.

"I love you my sweet Lily flower. I love you so much."

"Then why?"

"James..."

"Don't give me that James stuff! If you love me then you won't do this!"

"I have to." Came his quite reply.

I ran then. I ran away from him. I ran from our love. I just ran.

Not once did I hear him call me back. He just let me go, as if I was some balloon that he didn't care for. I just wanted him to call me back more than I wanted anything else. He never did though.

Classes went by in a blur the next day. All I remember is that he completely ignored me. He went on laughing with his friends as if nothing even happened. As if the night before he didn't break my heart.

Time went on and I found that I was slightly attracted to James. In November I finally agreed to go out with James. He was so excited that he ran around school screaming it. I saw Sirius standing in the corner after I said yes and he smiled slightly at me. I opened my mouth to say something to him, but he just shook his head and walked off. I called after him, but he never looked back.

He was right though. I did learn to love James. I never thought it was possible for me to love another man, but I did.

Yesterday after last class, James came up to me and asked me to marry him. I said yes right away. James is right for me I love him.

I was on my way back to my dorm to get a few things when Sirius grabbed me and pulled me into a classroom. He looked so sad. As if his world had ended.

"Did you say yes?"

How he knew so quickly, I don't know. Maybe James told him beforehand. I couldn't look at him, so I just nodded.

"See I told you."

"Do you even care?"

"Care about what?"

I looked up at him then. "Care that I am marrying your best friend when I love you too."

"This is how it's suppose to be." He started to walk away from me and I could feel the tears behind my eyes.

"We could of been happy!" I yell at him.

"Yes we could of. But we just aren't suppose to be." He turned around and smiled slightly at me.

" We could of been, if you didn't ruin it." His face grew hard.

"As I recall, you were the one who ran away."

"I'm not sorry I ran away, I'm sorry you let me go."

"What's that suppose me mean?"

"I didn't choose to end this. You did. I want you to remember that. You were the one who let me go."

I haven't spoken to him since. I can feel his eyes on me when I'm around him. What I said was true though. I love James now. And I wouldn't change what we have for the world. I know we will have a happy marriage. He's a great man and will be a great husband. 

Sometimes i just can't help but wonder, what would have happened if he hadn't of let me go?


End file.
